The federal government is expected to make several announcements this week on the cannabis file, StratCann has learned through a super-secret inside source.
Justin Trudeau and Chrystia Freeland are expected to make a joint announcement this week from Parliament where they will announce that they are hitting the restart button on cannabis legalization.
In a document shared with Stratcann by a source known only as DeepMint, Trudeau is expected to give a speech where he says that they now realize that building a cannabis industry around Stephen Harper’s over-built, over-engineered medical cannabis scheme was destined to fail from the beginning.
These announcements are coming as the cannabis community prepares for their 420 convoy, expected to converge on Ottawa in the coming weeks.
“We will not leave Ottawa until there are no more taxes on cannabis and no more regulations for edibles,” said Dabby Thumper, the convoy’s leader and spokesman. “It’s time Ottawa recognizes that the cannabis industry is the backbone of our economy, and we will do dabs all day long in downtown Ottawa until the Liberal Trudeau government acknowledges our demands, dissolves parliament, and replaces all MPs with cannabis CEOs.”
Trudeau’s speech, says DeepMint, was hastily put together after the convoy announced their plan to choke Ottawa in a thick cloud of dank smoke.
“He just didn’t realize how bad it was until the 57th lobbyist said taxes are too high and then he finally got it,” said Mint.
Although the specific details of the speech are unknown, according to one speech writer Trudeau and Freeland are expected to announce that legalization was just a goof, some good fun to rile up the Conservatives, and that they never really meant for it to get this far.
And so it is rumoured that beginning October 17, 2024, Canada will no longer issue licences for cannabis producers, instead favouring the efficiency and public safety of a free market. Anyone who wants to grow weed in their backyard and sell it to a retailer will be free to do so.
Happy April Fool’s!
